The Chollick Family
I love my little guy with every cell in my body and I will never give up!
We got married and wanted to start a family right away. Well to make that long story short, we ended up having 6 miscarriages and we were riding the fertility roller coaster for a few years. As time went on and the sicker I got from the fertility medicine, we finally came to our senses and decided to jump on the adoption roller coaster. That in itself was quite a ride. But at the end, we ended up with a beautiful healthy baby boy.
We adopted him at two days old. He hit all the milestones and was an adorable baby. But around 15 to 17 months old, right after a set of vaccinations, my son Will stopped looking at me and he would not turn around when I called his name. I immediately thought he was deaf. We got his hearing checked and it was fine. In the meantime I was on the computer for hours a day researching and the word autism kept coming up. But all the doctors, family, and friends were saying I was just a new mom and I didn't know what I was talking about. I kept saying he lost all his language and he wouldn't look at me but still people were saying I was overreacting. I took him to a developmental pediatrician and our worst fears were confirmed. Now we are on the autism roller coaster and this one has been the roughest and longest ride yet. Will does not have a brother or a sister because all of our money and then some goes to helping him recover.
The cost of autism emotionally, financially, and physically is something no one would be able to understand unless they live it. I am one of the lucky ones who happens to have a very supportive husband and yet our relationship and most of our dreams have changed in ways I never dreamed about. We very rarely have time together and when we do we are constantly planning our next plan of action for Will. We can't ever go to a function together as a family. If my family has a wedding or graduation, I go alone and the same for my husband. Going to the grocery store is even difficult. Every day is different and we never know what could set Will off.
I sometimes cannot sleep at night worrying about the next bully or who will take care of Will when we are gone. Will doesn't have any friends and its hard to know if he wants them. It is difficult to know what Will is thinking or feeling most of the time. Everything seems to be a guessing game. He has to be prompted to do everything from going to the bathroom to eating. And he will only eat certain things. Will has food aversions too so we cannot even eat as a family together. Autism is never far from my mind and there is no way to relax for fear of missing something that may help. There is no such thing as "easy" with Autism. Insurance doesn't cover most of what we do for him. Schools do not understand our kids and most are not qualified. Most doctors don't have a clue what to tell us. I research 8 to sometimes 12 hours a day trying to find the answer.
I attend conference across the country and marched in Washington to Green our Vaccines. It feels like we are screaming and nobody is listening. We have lost friends because my son won't play with their son, we have family who just cannot understand what we need from them or how they can help and don't even get me started about what our government has done to our kids. I hear moms all the time say what a blessing this has been in their lives. And I envy those women sometimes. I am a brutally honest and a realistic mom and I grieve everyday for normalcy. Autism is not a blessing to me. My son is a huge blessing , but not autism. Its turned my family upside down and my son struggles everyday of his life. BUT I am on a mission to cure him. I will do it. And like I said "the person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it". I love my little guy with every cell in my body and I will never give up!
